Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Say no! to abortion rights

Yesterday was Blog for Choice Day (I'm a day late, sue me). I'd like to talk about why abortion should not be legally protected.

The only morally relevant organ in a woman's body is her uterus. Women's brains have been nothing but trouble since Eve fucked things up in the Garden of Eden, and it's not at all clear that women are even sapient or self-aware. In any kind of moral conflict &mdash not just conflicts regarding pregnancy — a woman must receive lesser status, and whatever interests she actually has must give way to the greater interests of men and children.

A huge problem is that an unborn baby is innocent, innocent even of Original Sin. All those aborted babies? They're going straight to heaven. This is a problem: God is very selective. Life is a test, and only the select few will pass. The space in heaven is limited, and a gazillion fetuses floating about will clog the place up. As Yogi Berra said, "Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded." Babies need to be given a chance to be born, so they can partake of original sin, suffer through a sinful life, and so most of them can go to hell where they will suffer eternally for the pleasure and entertainment of the elect. And for the few babies that do manage to please God, think how much more they will value heaven, having earned it with a life of self-sacrifice and suffering, rather than having it just handed to them on a technicality.

Sex is dirty, sinful, and wrong. The world would be a much better place if no one ever had sex. Sex must be punished, as severely and thoroughly as we punish murder, apostasy or blasphemy. Men, of course, can't control themselves sexually (and it's women's fault men have sexual desire in the first place), so we must punish women for having sex. If a woman has an abortion, she is escaping her just punishment ("twenty lashes" of childbirth plus 18 years to life "imprisonment" to the child's care). It's as if we convicted someone of murder and then said, "Well, go on home now, hope you learned your lesson."

Here's a picture of a six-week old fetus, the age most commonly murdered by abortionists:

Now how could anyone be so heartless as to kill something this cute?


  1. You forgot the obvious: having an abortion directly causes breast cancer, infertility, and even death. So all your lady friends who've died... yeah, they all had abortions.

  2. D'oh!

    A woman's rights are irrelevant and we have to protect those (irrelevant) rights (from herself). How could I miss such a compelling and persuasive argument!?

  3. I like the overcrowded heaven argument, but it could be even worse than you paint it. I once heard one of the big-time evangelists (can't recall which) console those whose children have died young by saying that in heaven they are instantly brought to full maturity and will be grown men and women when their parents meet them there. My first thought was, "That's going in the wrong direction, everyone should be children in paradise...and the elderly get set back to a more pleasant age and what is that heavenly age anyway." Of course, I never considered the space problem.

  4. Hilarious. Disturbing, but hilarious.
    God Bless.

  5. Brilliant! Love it.

  6. A six week old fetus doesn't have near that much hair. It would have to be at least seven, maybe even seven and a half weeks old.


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